I was over-joyed when I first learned I was expecting my first baby. It wasn't until sometime in the second trimester, when I 
finally started to show, that I really realized I was going to be giving birth--somehow and sometime--and only months away. I was scared. I knew that pushing our baby out was going to be the hardest physical challenge of my life so far. I decided to do what I do best when I start to worry: research.
One of the best ways to learn about things like pregnancy, parenting and childbirth is to talk to other moms. I started to pick the brains of my friends who had children. I asked them to tell me their stories, starting with how they first knew they were in labor, how long it lasted, whether or not they got pain medication and if they would change anything if they could go back and do it again. Many friends that I talked to had very strong opinions on things like natural childbirth with no pain medication or c-sections. I even had one friend who told me she was sure her sister could have "pushed her baby out if she had only tried harder." She didn't approve of the fact that her sister ended up with a cesarean since she had given birth to her own son vaginally, at home and with no meds. I have to admit, I was surprised to hear this. Why would moms feel the need to judge each other about an experience that is unique to each of us?
I also did a lot of research online. I read blogs by new moms, I learned about the risks and benefits of different interventions during the birth process and I found out how a spinal is different from an epidural. I also did a lot of reading about contractions and how to tell real labor contractions from Braxton-Hicks contractions. How would I know I was really in labor if my water didn't break? I worried that I'd be in labor without knowing and end up having the baby on the kitchen floor. Ha! I later found out that my own real labor contractions were unmistakable.
I also bought lots of books on pregnancy and read them all. I even read them to my husband, who politely pretended to listen. And as I gathered more and more information about giving birth, I began to write my own birth plan. The first decision that I made was whether I wanted to give birth at home or in a hospital. That was easy: I wanted to give birth in a hospital. I had read many touching stories about home-birth experiences but I didn't feel that would be a good option for a Nervous Nelly like myself. I also opted out of things like hypno-birthing and water birth, though I had learned breathing techniques at my child-birth class and planned to do some of my laboring in the jacuzzi tub in the labor and delivery room at the hospital.
In the end, the birth process did not go as I had hoped. I had a long and excruciating back labor, went for the epidural and ended up with a cesarean. But you know what? It was still childbirth--maybe it didn't look or sound like a perfect story or fit many other people's ideals of a what giving birth should look like--but it ended with a beautiful, healthy baby girl being put into my arms.
finally started to show, that I really realized I was going to be giving birth--somehow and sometime--and only months away. I was scared. I knew that pushing our baby out was going to be the hardest physical challenge of my life so far. I decided to do what I do best when I start to worry: research.
One of the best ways to learn about things like pregnancy, parenting and childbirth is to talk to other moms. I started to pick the brains of my friends who had children. I asked them to tell me their stories, starting with how they first knew they were in labor, how long it lasted, whether or not they got pain medication and if they would change anything if they could go back and do it again. Many friends that I talked to had very strong opinions on things like natural childbirth with no pain medication or c-sections. I even had one friend who told me she was sure her sister could have "pushed her baby out if she had only tried harder." She didn't approve of the fact that her sister ended up with a cesarean since she had given birth to her own son vaginally, at home and with no meds. I have to admit, I was surprised to hear this. Why would moms feel the need to judge each other about an experience that is unique to each of us?
I also did a lot of research online. I read blogs by new moms, I learned about the risks and benefits of different interventions during the birth process and I found out how a spinal is different from an epidural. I also did a lot of reading about contractions and how to tell real labor contractions from Braxton-Hicks contractions. How would I know I was really in labor if my water didn't break? I worried that I'd be in labor without knowing and end up having the baby on the kitchen floor. Ha! I later found out that my own real labor contractions were unmistakable.
I also bought lots of books on pregnancy and read them all. I even read them to my husband, who politely pretended to listen. And as I gathered more and more information about giving birth, I began to write my own birth plan. The first decision that I made was whether I wanted to give birth at home or in a hospital. That was easy: I wanted to give birth in a hospital. I had read many touching stories about home-birth experiences but I didn't feel that would be a good option for a Nervous Nelly like myself. I also opted out of things like hypno-birthing and water birth, though I had learned breathing techniques at my child-birth class and planned to do some of my laboring in the jacuzzi tub in the labor and delivery room at the hospital.
In the end, the birth process did not go as I had hoped. I had a long and excruciating back labor, went for the epidural and ended up with a cesarean. But you know what? It was still childbirth--maybe it didn't look or sound like a perfect story or fit many other people's ideals of a what giving birth should look like--but it ended with a beautiful, healthy baby girl being put into my arms.
Thank you for this, and it is so very true. I’m 31 1/2 weeks with my second baby and am going to try for VBAC. My first pregnancy was very difficult, and ended in a C-section. I had 2 weeks prodromal labor and then 20 hours of “real” labor. I needed two epidurals because I did not know I had scoliosis and the first anesthesiologist didn’t notice it and it only ended up working on half my lower body (talk about weird only feeling half of a contraction and one leg). I was so exhausted from not sleeping for 2 weeks that I just didn’t have much strength to push. It was just a nightmare, but still so very worth it in the end. I want to be a bit more prepared this time and definitely will take a lot more advice like DRINK PLENTY to possibly prevent the prodromal labor, try and rest a little more, eat a little healthier and definitely want to avoid as many interventions as I can. My first birth plan was to basically not have one, but I learned that for me, I need one, and I need to take control of my experience, be assertive, and make sure I am heard in what I want. The nurses and doctors were so very pushy with what happened.. all the way to giving my baby a pacifier against my wishes because “he needed it”. And I let them make all the decisions and tell me what to do like they had authority over me. Not this time. Mama is in charge, it is MY delivery, MY baby and MY recover. I’m the one nursing and I will use cloth diapers at the hospital and wear my own clothes if I please. If that bothers them, too bad. I don’t have a choice but to have my baby in this hospital because of money, risks and I cannot do a home birth because I think i’m going to end up wanting an epidural. I know more about my body now, what it’s like to be in labor and feel more confident that I can do it. But if it ends up another C-section, the result will still be the same. I will have my baby, and I will love them.
Great post! My first child was born by cesarean, after a long labor and high hopes of a natural birth. But the most important thing is that was born healthy and strong!! My second was a successful v-bac!! I was so proud of myself! So don’t be discouraged, even if you have had a cesarean!
I’m 32 weeks with my first and this article and all the comments are great information for me. My birth plan right now is not to have one, but to stay open minded and flexible. Roll with the punches!
Giving birth was so different just between my two babies!
The best advice I have heard and I can give as an RN is it is fantastic to educate yourself about what can go right about childbirth, and what can go wrong. I’ve seen so many mamas think that childbirth will be easy and beautiful and not prepare for the their childbirth to not go as planned. Then I’ve seen mamas who over-prepare and have the quickest childbirth! So the best thing I can say is this: prepare for all scenarios, but most importantly, prepare emotionally. Be aware that a c-section might happen, and be okay with that. The most important thing is the safety of the baby and the mama, and those doctors, nurses, and even midwives have the safety of both in mind. Pray for a beautiful and easy delivery, but know there is no way to force your birth plan to happen. Have a birth plan that focuses on the safest thing for the baby and the mama and you won’t have your hopes dashed! My birth plan was this: bring this baby into the world in the safest way possible. And my LO came and we both survived, and it was beautiful.
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