I was over-joyed when I first learned I was expecting my first baby. It wasn't until sometime in the second trimester, when I 
finally started to show, that I really realized I was going to be giving birth--somehow and sometime--and only months away. I was scared. I knew that pushing our baby out was going to be the hardest physical challenge of my life so far. I decided to do what I do best when I start to worry: research.
One of the best ways to learn about things like pregnancy, parenting and childbirth is to talk to other moms. I started to pick the brains of my friends who had children. I asked them to tell me their stories, starting with how they first knew they were in labor, how long it lasted, whether or not they got pain medication and if they would change anything if they could go back and do it again. Many friends that I talked to had very strong opinions on things like natural childbirth with no pain medication or c-sections. I even had one friend who told me she was sure her sister could have "pushed her baby out if she had only tried harder." She didn't approve of the fact that her sister ended up with a cesarean since she had given birth to her own son vaginally, at home and with no meds. I have to admit, I was surprised to hear this. Why would moms feel the need to judge each other about an experience that is unique to each of us?
I also did a lot of research online. I read blogs by new moms, I learned about the risks and benefits of different interventions during the birth process and I found out how a spinal is different from an epidural. I also did a lot of reading about contractions and how to tell real labor contractions from Braxton-Hicks contractions. How would I know I was really in labor if my water didn't break? I worried that I'd be in labor without knowing and end up having the baby on the kitchen floor. Ha! I later found out that my own real labor contractions were unmistakable.
I also bought lots of books on pregnancy and read them all. I even read them to my husband, who politely pretended to listen. And as I gathered more and more information about giving birth, I began to write my own birth plan. The first decision that I made was whether I wanted to give birth at home or in a hospital. That was easy: I wanted to give birth in a hospital. I had read many touching stories about home-birth experiences but I didn't feel that would be a good option for a Nervous Nelly like myself. I also opted out of things like hypno-birthing and water birth, though I had learned breathing techniques at my child-birth class and planned to do some of my laboring in the jacuzzi tub in the labor and delivery room at the hospital.
In the end, the birth process did not go as I had hoped. I had a long and excruciating back labor, went for the epidural and ended up with a cesarean. But you know what? It was still childbirth--maybe it didn't look or sound like a perfect story or fit many other people's ideals of a what giving birth should look like--but it ended with a beautiful, healthy baby girl being put into my arms.
finally started to show, that I really realized I was going to be giving birth--somehow and sometime--and only months away. I was scared. I knew that pushing our baby out was going to be the hardest physical challenge of my life so far. I decided to do what I do best when I start to worry: research.
One of the best ways to learn about things like pregnancy, parenting and childbirth is to talk to other moms. I started to pick the brains of my friends who had children. I asked them to tell me their stories, starting with how they first knew they were in labor, how long it lasted, whether or not they got pain medication and if they would change anything if they could go back and do it again. Many friends that I talked to had very strong opinions on things like natural childbirth with no pain medication or c-sections. I even had one friend who told me she was sure her sister could have "pushed her baby out if she had only tried harder." She didn't approve of the fact that her sister ended up with a cesarean since she had given birth to her own son vaginally, at home and with no meds. I have to admit, I was surprised to hear this. Why would moms feel the need to judge each other about an experience that is unique to each of us?
I also did a lot of research online. I read blogs by new moms, I learned about the risks and benefits of different interventions during the birth process and I found out how a spinal is different from an epidural. I also did a lot of reading about contractions and how to tell real labor contractions from Braxton-Hicks contractions. How would I know I was really in labor if my water didn't break? I worried that I'd be in labor without knowing and end up having the baby on the kitchen floor. Ha! I later found out that my own real labor contractions were unmistakable.
I also bought lots of books on pregnancy and read them all. I even read them to my husband, who politely pretended to listen. And as I gathered more and more information about giving birth, I began to write my own birth plan. The first decision that I made was whether I wanted to give birth at home or in a hospital. That was easy: I wanted to give birth in a hospital. I had read many touching stories about home-birth experiences but I didn't feel that would be a good option for a Nervous Nelly like myself. I also opted out of things like hypno-birthing and water birth, though I had learned breathing techniques at my child-birth class and planned to do some of my laboring in the jacuzzi tub in the labor and delivery room at the hospital.
In the end, the birth process did not go as I had hoped. I had a long and excruciating back labor, went for the epidural and ended up with a cesarean. But you know what? It was still childbirth--maybe it didn't look or sound like a perfect story or fit many other people's ideals of a what giving birth should look like--but it ended with a beautiful, healthy baby girl being put into my arms.
I just had my first baby last June. I was pretty nervous about the idea of giving birth- so scary, no matter what I read or researched- at least at the beginning. Anyway, I can understand that excruciating back labor. In fact, that’s all I had, I did not feel a single pain in my abdomen it was all in my back and thighs. I wonder if that’s how all of my future labors will be? I did a natural birth and it was a beautiful experience. Even though in the midst of it I said I’d never have a natural birth again, I will try again with the next one. I don’t know, but I do know this- however it is, when it’s over and I get to hold that beautiful baby in my arms, it will be forgotten- at least that’s what happened after I delivered my little boy.
Great post! I had a c-section after an induction and laboring for 30+ hours and finally getting an epidural. My son went into distress and to avoid possible emergencies down the line we did a c-section. I’m SO glad that you made the comment you still gave birth—because you DID! I hate it when people say c-section mamas didn’t give birth…
Congrats on your healthy girl! I don’t get the judging, it’s not like you can truly dictate how your birth experience will go. Best laid plans and all, you get what you get and what we all want is a healthy little one who arrives safely. Who cares how it happens?
Great article, and touches on two important points that many moms forget in discussing this…. each mom should do what she feels comfortable/safe doing, and each birth is different and rarely goes according to plan!
I am due next month on the 23rd. I feel the exact same thing. When I start to worry, I RESEARCH. I have a degree in Public Health and with all the medical research I did in college, one would think that I have it all figured out — WRONG. When it comes to people or the community, I’m confident to speak about all sorts of health information and background. But when I asked myself, “What do I know about Child Birth?”. Everything I learned about it in College, seemed unreliable to me. So, what did I do? I spoke to my old professors, emailed them, talk to a lot of moms, doctors, midwives. I gathered all the (overwhelming) information, categorized them, made a chart, did a powerpoint presentation to my husband so I could FEEL this assurance that I will be okay when labor comes. Yes, OVERBOARD, but it eased my mind and saved me from driving my husband insane.
I know that all of the things I discussed with my midwife about my birth plan will probably not going to go EXACTLY as planned. But, hey, that is why it’s called a birth “plan.” At least now, I feel prepared, confident, and expect a possible change in direction with my birth plan. Knowledge is power. It truly is.
Thank you for sharing your experience. We, first time moms, sure do appreciate blogs like yours. :)
You're viewing 496-500 of 502 comments