I was over-joyed when I first learned I was expecting my first baby. It wasn't until sometime in the second trimester, when I 
finally started to show, that I really realized I was going to be giving birth--somehow and sometime--and only months away. I was scared. I knew that pushing our baby out was going to be the hardest physical challenge of my life so far. I decided to do what I do best when I start to worry: research.
One of the best ways to learn about things like pregnancy, parenting and childbirth is to talk to other moms. I started to pick the brains of my friends who had children. I asked them to tell me their stories, starting with how they first knew they were in labor, how long it lasted, whether or not they got pain medication and if they would change anything if they could go back and do it again. Many friends that I talked to had very strong opinions on things like natural childbirth with no pain medication or c-sections. I even had one friend who told me she was sure her sister could have "pushed her baby out if she had only tried harder." She didn't approve of the fact that her sister ended up with a cesarean since she had given birth to her own son vaginally, at home and with no meds. I have to admit, I was surprised to hear this. Why would moms feel the need to judge each other about an experience that is unique to each of us?
I also did a lot of research online. I read blogs by new moms, I learned about the risks and benefits of different interventions during the birth process and I found out how a spinal is different from an epidural. I also did a lot of reading about contractions and how to tell real labor contractions from Braxton-Hicks contractions. How would I know I was really in labor if my water didn't break? I worried that I'd be in labor without knowing and end up having the baby on the kitchen floor. Ha! I later found out that my own real labor contractions were unmistakable.
I also bought lots of books on pregnancy and read them all. I even read them to my husband, who politely pretended to listen. And as I gathered more and more information about giving birth, I began to write my own birth plan. The first decision that I made was whether I wanted to give birth at home or in a hospital. That was easy: I wanted to give birth in a hospital. I had read many touching stories about home-birth experiences but I didn't feel that would be a good option for a Nervous Nelly like myself. I also opted out of things like hypno-birthing and water birth, though I had learned breathing techniques at my child-birth class and planned to do some of my laboring in the jacuzzi tub in the labor and delivery room at the hospital.
In the end, the birth process did not go as I had hoped. I had a long and excruciating back labor, went for the epidural and ended up with a cesarean. But you know what? It was still childbirth--maybe it didn't look or sound like a perfect story or fit many other people's ideals of a what giving birth should look like--but it ended with a beautiful, healthy baby girl being put into my arms.
finally started to show, that I really realized I was going to be giving birth--somehow and sometime--and only months away. I was scared. I knew that pushing our baby out was going to be the hardest physical challenge of my life so far. I decided to do what I do best when I start to worry: research.
One of the best ways to learn about things like pregnancy, parenting and childbirth is to talk to other moms. I started to pick the brains of my friends who had children. I asked them to tell me their stories, starting with how they first knew they were in labor, how long it lasted, whether or not they got pain medication and if they would change anything if they could go back and do it again. Many friends that I talked to had very strong opinions on things like natural childbirth with no pain medication or c-sections. I even had one friend who told me she was sure her sister could have "pushed her baby out if she had only tried harder." She didn't approve of the fact that her sister ended up with a cesarean since she had given birth to her own son vaginally, at home and with no meds. I have to admit, I was surprised to hear this. Why would moms feel the need to judge each other about an experience that is unique to each of us?
I also did a lot of research online. I read blogs by new moms, I learned about the risks and benefits of different interventions during the birth process and I found out how a spinal is different from an epidural. I also did a lot of reading about contractions and how to tell real labor contractions from Braxton-Hicks contractions. How would I know I was really in labor if my water didn't break? I worried that I'd be in labor without knowing and end up having the baby on the kitchen floor. Ha! I later found out that my own real labor contractions were unmistakable.
I also bought lots of books on pregnancy and read them all. I even read them to my husband, who politely pretended to listen. And as I gathered more and more information about giving birth, I began to write my own birth plan. The first decision that I made was whether I wanted to give birth at home or in a hospital. That was easy: I wanted to give birth in a hospital. I had read many touching stories about home-birth experiences but I didn't feel that would be a good option for a Nervous Nelly like myself. I also opted out of things like hypno-birthing and water birth, though I had learned breathing techniques at my child-birth class and planned to do some of my laboring in the jacuzzi tub in the labor and delivery room at the hospital.
In the end, the birth process did not go as I had hoped. I had a long and excruciating back labor, went for the epidural and ended up with a cesarean. But you know what? It was still childbirth--maybe it didn't look or sound like a perfect story or fit many other people's ideals of a what giving birth should look like--but it ended with a beautiful, healthy baby girl being put into my arms.
When I was preparing for my daughter to arrive, I read a ton, and ultimately came up with the decision to not make a “plan” and to be flexible. I had preferences in mind, but was willing to not be rigid. And it is a good thing… I ended up in labor for 4 days, 3 at home. My contractions were crazy, and I only had 4-6 an hour that lasted 3-5 min for the most part. They stayed like that almost the entire time, until I stopped dialating at 9 cm so they put me on pitocin. Then the contractions became “normal”. Ironically, my SIL had our niece the next day, and her water broke on the toilet, she reached down to wipe and there was the babies head! She delivered on her bedroom floor with the paramedics, which was not quite her plan. So, my best advice is to be educated, but not rigid!
The birth of my son did not go as I had planned, either. I was going for a natural birth and because of a very large, posterior baby, I ended up in the hospital with a Cesarean.
One thing that I think women should know is that it is okay and normal to feel disappointed in your birth. Sure, everyone says, “But you got a healthy baby” and that’s true. But your expectations were real and when your experience doesn’t meet those expectations, there is a mourning process you need to acknowledge and go through.
So talk it out. Tell your partner, your close family or friends, or a counselor how you feel. People will still say, “But you got a healthy baby”, but they will also empathize with your very real emotions.
I think many women who have given birth at home or naturally at a hospital ‘seem’ to be judging women who have interventions when they’re actually just angry with the system. It is a FACT that the US has way too many interventions leading to way too many unnecessary c-sections. Sometimes it’s necessary but usually not. And the only way to change healthcare for the better is for women to get fed up with the way it is now and demand change.
I think this is such a good position to take on pregnancy and childbirth. It really is very individual, and we really do need to keep an open mind about our own birthing experiences and those of others. Neither of my children were born in the way (or at the time) that I expected them to be. Things definitely didn’t go as planned, but in the end, if you end up with a baby, I think that’s the important part. It doesn’t matter so much how they get here as the fact that they get here. There are definite benefits to educating yourself, though, and knowing as much as you can so that if you do have to make decisions when things don’t go according to plan, then you are armed with that knowledge. Good luck to all the first-time moms out there!
My first is due at the end of August. I am both excited and terrified. I loved this post, and am sorry it did not go as planned for your first. I have thought, from the beginning, that flexibility is important because if you have no huge expectations, then you will not be disappointed! we will just see what happens. :)
You're viewing 371-375 of 502 comments