I make no secret of the fact that I’ve had three c-sections and zero vaginal births. Sure, I made a valiant effort to push my first daughter out “the old fashioned-way,” as I jokingly call vaginal deliveries, but the fact is, were it not for modern medicine, both Lauren and I would have died in childbirth. Had we lived in the 1800s or early 1900s, maybe one of us would have survived at the expense of the other. This is why I offer you some retorts to anyone who talks about childbirth, labor, epidurals, cesarean sections or even breastfeeding in anything less than a respectful and tolerant tone. “Women have been giving birth for thousands of years without pain meds or epidurals.” This is true. You can’t deny it. And yet, those cave women also didn’t have a choice. You can’t speak for the cave woman who after three hours of agonizing back labor, probably would have jumped at the chance for an epidural. Not having the option of an epidural is not the same as choosing not to have an epidural. Just because women have been giving birth naturally for centuries (because they had no other choice) doesn't mean they would do the same thing today. “Too many women are having labor induced so their doctors can make their tee times.” This also may be true. It depends on if your OB plays golf. If it’s something you are worried about, be sure to ask your doctor, “Do you play golf? Because I don’t want to be induced just so you can make your tee time.” Or, you could also say “No thank you, I’d rather not be induced and I’d rather let nature take it’s course.” But back to our friend the Cave Woman. We can’t be sure she didn’t use her own primitive methods to stimulate labor. Just because she didn’t have modern medicine at her fingertips, doesn’t mean she wasn’t just as anxious, uncomfortable and sick of waddling around like the rest of get when we know we are about to “pop.” We do know that women have been trying various methods of stimulating labor since, well, forever--like eating spicy foods or engaging in certain rigorous activities--all in the hopes of trying to get the inevitable started sooner rather than later. “Breastfeeding is the way nature intended women to feed their babies.” Well, you certainly can’t argue with that. But, if you have any tact, you should refrain from saying it to a bottle-feeding mother. I actually did end up nursing all three of my children but because of my extremely stressful three-plus hour attempt at pushing out Lauren, followed by an emergency c-section, my body was so “out of wack” that my milk didn’t come in for almost a full week. We supplemented Lauren with formula but I continued to try to try to nurse her. She lost a lot of weight in that first week and I was on the verge of giving up. Hours after I left the pediatrician’s office in tears, my milk finally came in. Breastfeeding is the way nature intended us to feed our babies, that is, those mothers and babies who weren't killed off during the birthing process. Nature is efficient but that efficiency is brutal. There was nothing about the process that was "natural," especially since we both lived! Judging mothers who are bottle feeding is the same and whether it is by necessity of choice, if both mom and baby are healthy and happy, it's really no one else's business. As mothers preparing to give birth, the best we can do is to educate ourselves and to make ourselves aware of the different options that exist when things start to unfold. There are a lot of things that you simply cannot know until you are in the moment. This is true whether you are in labor with your first baby or your sixth. If you hear someone who means well, or maybe someone who has really wide birth canal and a super-high pain tolerance (not to mention a superiority complex and a competitive attitude about giving birth) remind her that there is no shame in using modern medicine during childbirth—and because of it, the mother and infant mortality rate has dropped A LOT in the last century. Besides, that cave woman might have really appreciated an epidural.
I had 3 vaginal (old fashioned births ) 1 with spinal block, 1 with epidural and 1 natural. I highly recommend epidurals Lol
I am in the same boat as you. With my first child I had to have an emergency c section at 34 weeks and if I hadn’t had that option we both would have died. In fact, even with modern medicine my son almost did due to the placental abruption. Now with my second and third child, I decided to have an unmedicated VBAC. I felt like that was the right choice for us and I am thankful for my first son’s birth because it taught me so much. Education is truly the most important thing in the entire process.
i def wish I had been more prepared for giving birth. education is a powerful tool
Love your post. I agreed that in my mind if a cave woman can give birth with no meds so can I. I delivered safely with a 24 hour labor of major pain vaginally. With modern medicine today we have so much choices of pain relief that I was screaming for an epidural because I know it’s available. Now if I didn’t know what could be done I wouldn’t have got one. Unfortunately, two epidural inserts didn’t work for me due to nerve damage in my hip they said so I had to feel every bit of pain. So I don’t know the joy of pain relief during birth, wish I did. I even screamed to them to do a c section and get him out, but I just Delt with it. If it was painless and easy for me I would have more kids. But I’m only 24 and I can tell you with my experience this is my last child.
I had an epidural and it was great for me. I respect those who choose to go without. To each his own.
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